Sliding Thoughts

month 18

The eyes of strangers touch, leap across crowded spaces, and safe smiles reach the lips, are traded, and fade.  The touching of eyes crosses space, marble floors, dirt paths, and place settings with coffee stains and the remnants of sugar packets.

Eyelashes are beautiful things, wet with the tears that never fall from my eyes, or shining to frame your (their) face(s) as we (they) talk earnestly, in a thousand places and combinations.

I will hear my alarm in four hours.  In the darkness we fumble for our keys, and I will circle the stone paths in whispers for the first and last time.   Dawn prayers.

It all becomes more real, and in one month my world shifts again.

I was holding a brown child in my arms last night (in my dreams).  He had soft, curly hair and he was not necessarily my child, but I was caring for him.  I carried him through ballrooms, as technical crews set up the rooms and we wandered the back hallways.

We looked at each other, looked in each other’s eyes, and laughed, inches away from each others faces.  He grew up, in an instant, and asked why I carried him…he was old enough now.  So we walked past the zoo, and he talked to the animals, and we walked down the shore of Lake Michigan.

To write it all down would take years…

This is where I have been for the last week or so: http://news.bahai.org/2008convention

Baha’i World News Service is doing a great job of covering the International Baha’i Convention, and I highly recommend checking out their stories and pictures…it will give you a glimpse into this amazing process.

As it turns out, evenings at the Convention Center tend to be pretty quiet, so I sat down for a moment to take off my heels and write a post.

I’ve seen friends from around the world, I have interacted with and assisted delegates from more places than I can count, I’ve had a smile on my face for nearly a week now and I can’t help but keep smiling! They are all so beautiful, and the atmosphere here is indescribable.

One of my favorite moments was when over 1500 people from around the world circled around the Shrine of Baha’u'llah on the 9th Day of Ridvan. (pictures here) It gave me a better understanding of how global our Faith truly is…the sky was blue and perfect:

the flowers were in bloom:

and everything was right with the world, in those moments.

Happy Ridvan.

A little bit of silence

For the next week, I’ll be a little busy.  Please forgive me if I don’t answer emails/messages/notes/phone calls/carrier pigeons/smoke signals.  

“The light that is shed from the heaven of bounty, and the benediction that shineth from the dawning-place of the will of God, the Lord of the Kingdom of Names, rest upon Him Who is the Supreme Mediator, the Most Exalted Pen, Him Whom God hath made the Dawning-Place of His most excellent names and the Dayspring of His most exalted attributes. Through Him the light of unity hath shone forth above the horizon of the world, and the law of oneness hath been revealed amidst the nations, who, with radiant faces, have turned towards the Supreme Horizon, and acknowledged that which the Tongue of Utterance hath spoken in the kingdom of His knowledge: “Earth and heaven, glory and dominion, are God’s, the Omnipotent, the Almighty, the Lord of grace abounding!”"

  (Baha’u'llah, Epistle to the Son of the Wolf, p. 1)

“He has ordained and established the House of Justice which is endowed with a political as well as a religious function, the consummate union and blending of church and state. This institution is under the protecting power of Bahá’u'lláh Himself.”

    (Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i World Faith, p. 247)

Forever days

The stinging, spicy aftermath of the largest salad she had ever eaten lingered on her lips and tongue. Blank pages stare at her hungrily.

look around.

One in the corner, with a calendar on her lap, the eraser end of her pencil lodged between her teeth and short dark hair swept to the side, dark eyes intent as she shuffles things around.

Slouched sideways, only the top of his hair peeks out over the book he reads, through the noise of the coffee grinder and ambient café music. Occasionally his beard appears from hiding, his hand reaches out and he drinks his frozen mocha, still immersed.

Next in line, her face is lit by the glow of her laptop. “Pictures!” she exclaims, and stares into the depths of the screen, smiling in response to something…or nothing. Her green eyes glow from within.

Across the table, he writes almost as fast as she does, their pens nearly colliding. Dim lights make blond hair only glow, not shine, and when he looks up, he meets the eyes of the girl with the calendar.

They are an awkward and comfortable rectangle with five corners.

Empty water glasses litter the table. They discuss the internet, language, anger, music, communication, and death. The natural rhythm of conversation dips down, climbs up, and plateaus, and all heads bend back down over their projects.

Darker it grows inside and out, the volume of noise rises in the café as the evening shift starts. They are silent. These are the forever days, in which no pictures are taken, but the familiar faces with familiar expressions have knowledge beyond words.

This is life.

Golden

My mother makes a fresh pot of Persian tea every morning.  Glass cups only, steam rising and at least 3 sugar cubes for me.

The house is always surrounded by the sun, and around our kitchen table there are shafts of light that warm our feet.  Well, not in winter, but Chicago is not known for its mildness…both in weather and personality.

—-

Every morning I walk up a mountain, every night I walk down.  I know the dips and turns of the path, the gardeners are working and the rocks slip away under the heels of my shoes.  There are spiderweb cracks in the stairwell of my apartment building, and six different kinds of flowers blooming in my doorway.  (I counted one day.)

—-

I love black and white family photos from the 1940s: flaws are hidden, and lips, eyes, and hair are defined and perfect.  I wish that I could discover their stories just by flipping through the photo album.  The stories need to be gathered, collected, treasured.  We have lost so many stories…

—-

I want to read, have conversations, and see things that make my mind go in strange tangents and causes spontaneous laughter.  There are a million ways to reach that point, but sometimes it takes concious effort.

—-

I have had two desserts today.  They were healthy because I put fruit in them. 

—-

The advent of the prophets and the revelation of the Holy Books is intended to create love between souls and friendship between the inhabitants of the earth. Real love is impossible unless one turn his face towards God and be attracted to His Beauty.

 (Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i World Faith – Abdu’l-Baha Section, p. 363)

Jumping around (literal, figurative)

2 months.  62 days.  1,488 hours.  89,280 minutes.  <– My time remaining in the Holy Land.  That is all there is to say about that, for the moment anyway.  I’m busy working, over 60 hours a week now as things ramp up around here.  I love it. 

For starters, it has been a bit of a crazy week.  I heard about 11 engagements in the course of 1 week…11 couples getting married.  It has been pointed out to me that this is probably because I know a lot of people.  This is true.  However, it is also because it is spring, people are planning summer weddings, and I am 24 years old…all logically leading to a certain percentage of my friends getting married.  I am very excited, although I’m only going to a couple of these weddings.

On to the next thing.  There are a few blogs/sites that I want to bring to your attention.  All of these are on my links page, of course. 

Elemental Change – a collaborative blog by some Baha’i friends of mine on a wide variety of topics: entrepreneurship & finance, design & music, technology & social enterprise, politicking & think tanking.   I am really enjoying it so far, and can’t wait to see more.

2inspire.us – “What the news ought to be.”  I really love the idea behind this.  Why is the majority of our news so negative?  Well, we know why…people are attracted to tragedy.  But our spirits need upliftment too.  Check it out.

Baha’i Perspectives – many of you have heard about this site.  Articles on subjects that affect all of us, written by Baha’i friends around the world.

Artificial Sound & Light - my friend Vahid changed it up a little bit with his new blog.  Totally different from many of the blogs I read.

The Candy Coating – Dangerboy and Orion, two guys with a blog.  Thoughtful, often funny essays on various topics.  They are both Baha’is, but it is really a place for people to share their thoughts and talk to each other. 

Finally, I had a wonderful evening last night.  Taco dinner, Persepolis, and an impromptu Sufjan Stevens dance party in my friend’s living room (yes, it is possible to dance to this kind of music).   I love that my friends and I can still dance around like when we were little kids…with no judgement or shame. 

Tonight, at Bahji…

I walked around the gardens, and picked up a fallen flower to hold close to my heart.

I ran down a path in darkness and silently shouted to the palm trees and sky, a promise and a blessing.

 

 

Tonight, at Bahji, I continued the process of letting go. Of people, of places, of expectations, of the labels and insecurities and confusing thoughts. And I reconstructed, strengthening ties and bonds and the pieces of spirit between all of us that hold us together. Letting go and holding on are not all that different, after all.

Be a true friend. Be loving and mindful of the tests that we are all going through. Be compassionate, firm, and joyful. Seek out justice. Continue to learn patience. Continue to learn everything.

This is a reminder to me, but also to you.

The Sea of Galilee

I am come in my Father’s name, and ye receive me not: if another shall come in his own name, him ye will receive.

How can ye believe, which receive honour one of another, and seek not the honour that cometh from God only? Do not think that I will accuse you to the Father: there is one that accuseth you, even Moses, in whom ye trust.

For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me; for he wrote of me.

But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words? After these things Jesus went over the sea of Galilee, which is the sea of Tiberias.

And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.  And Jesus went up into a mountain, and there he sat with his disciples.

 (King James Bible, John)

This weekend I took an impromptu trip to the Sea of Galilee, also known as Lake Kinneret.  It is fascinating to visit these places as a Baha’i…not only is there the wealth of Christian history in this area, but also Baha’i history.  I’ve posted some pictures of my visit to the area here.  I haven’t traveled a lot within Israel, especially since many of the historic places are not generally advisable to visit.  It is such a gift to be able to see these places with my own eyes.

Growing up in a Christian country as a member of the Baha’i Faith, I absorbed a lot of things, but seeing these physical locations made me really want to read the Bible all the way through.  I started in college, and even attended a Bible study (but was quickly written off as “unlikely to convert” haha), but now I want to gain a better understanding.  Especially considering the fact that Baha’is believe in the Divinity of Jesus and consider Him to be a Manifestation of God, just as Abraham, Zoroaster, Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Muhammad, the Bab, and Baha’u'llah.

It also brought home the point that the above passage from the Bible illustrates: that whenever a new Manifestation of God appears on the earth, we reject Him, we turn away and we subject Them to the worst kinds of degredation.  And yet God continues to send His Messengers to us.  The ultimate form of love.

In any case, it was wonderful to be able to spend the day with my relatives and get out of the city.  We were able to visit the resting place of Mirza Muhammad-Quli, a brother of Baha’u'llah.  “This great man was known even from his childhood for nobility of soul….he was detached from every selfish thought, averse to every mention except to whatever concerned the Holy Cause.” -Abdu’l-Baha, Memorials of the Faithful, p. 69

This weekend was also interesting because several religious holy days all happened within a few days of each other…and of course, living in Israel, I saw this happening in front of my eyes.   Naw-Ruz, of course, is the Baha’i New Year, and there was a celebration here that I attended…it was beautiful.  Purim, a Jewish holiday; Good Friday & Easter…suffice to say Haifa was a noisy city for the last few days.

It was so warm on Friday that I spent the morning out on my balcony in the sun. 

To help me…

I remember I listened to this song when he died,
about a car flipping on the turn,
and about God and death and birth.

and I remember I listened to live music through a CD,
cleaning my house to the cheering crowds
of music everyone loves.

and I remember the song with slow sadness
in the heat of summer
with sun-baked skin and sun-bright smiles.

I remember the powerful taste of the violins
as voices cut through phone lines
and history was remade.

and I remember how the music drifted in
at the beginning of spring
as we looked and never spoke.

and I remember the color of eyes
as the softness of “the past and pending”
floated through the hall.

Last night I dreamed

the wind nearly knocked us off of our feet
as the world ended…
my dress swirled in disturbed waves
and arms wrapped around me.

3 months left

I stood on a tower with darkness and lights below
and in our eyes I saw the doorways to the world

To dwell on memories is the fastest way to go
but our hearts will linger here, and in time I’ll let you know

The light will shine down on us in soundless moments
forever to remember the timeless silence.

The rain that refused to fall from the sky
came from my eyes instead
to wash away the dust that our tired feet raised.

What is Ayyam-i-Ha in the Holy Land?

I didn’t do anything for Ayyam-i-Ha last year…I am pretty sure I spent the Intercalary Days cleaning my house and reading.

This year has been vastly different. On the first day, Tuesday, I spent the evening at my friend’s house for “Ladies Night”…which mostly consisted of watching a movie, eating, and talking about very random things. Last night (Wednesday) I went to another friend’s house for a Chili dinner/Musical Devotional. I ate 3 very large bowls of chili, and then we sang songs, said prayers, and played musical catch phrase. There was much laughter, which was desperately needed.

Tonight I plan on doing nothing. Well, “doing nothing” in my world means cooking food for the next few days, doing a little art project, and probably watching a movie. Tomorrow night (Friday) I am going to an Ayyam-i-Ha party, and then Saturday morning I am having brunch. Saturday afternoon I am going hiking in the Haifa forest.

This year is much better than last year. These days outside of time have been a welcome respite from a very busy work schedule, and of course an opportunity to prepare for the Fast, which starts on Sunday.

I got mystery chocolate in inter-office mail today…apparently a few other people did too! yum. As an extra-special treat, 3 of my favorite ladies just stopped by my office on their way out to say goodnight.

An observation

Music in department stores is the same, no matter where in the world you are.

As I wandered the one department store at one of the malls in Haifa last night with a friend, I realized that the piped-in music floating through the store was the same brand of Americana middle-aged-woman-friendly chintz that haunts shoppers in stores across the country back home.

And it has followed me to Israel!

Also, department store dressing rooms are exactly the same, too. It is strange…sometimes I feel like I haven’t left home at all.

A day with the ladies

A Saturday unplanned became a Saturday of relaxation and time with friends.

I went next door for brunch, and six lovely ladies and I cooked and ate a large meal…eggs, bacon, pancakes, potatoes, coffee, tea…yum. Then I hopped on a sherut and went to Bahji for the rest of the day.

This is what it looked like:

It is khamsin (dust storm) season, so the sky was not clear, but it was still warm and beautiful…I wandered the gardens for a while by myself.

A large group of us ate dinner back in Haifa at 14 Sheks (I doubt anyone actually knows the real name of that place), then Roya and I went to my place to watch Chocolat and drink…hot chocolate. Perfect ending to the day.

My time by numbers…

4 months until I leave Haifa, Israel and go back to the United States.
My departure date is June 7.
11 weeks until the event that I came here to work on occurs.
3 weeks until Ayyam-i-Ha.
19 Saturdays until my departure.

And to think how easy it would be to spend eternity in this place…

Functional earrings

I wore these earrings today, which I bought a year ago:

They’re metal and quite heavy. I walked over to a table at lunch where several of my friends were sitting. The guys immediately noticed the earrings and starting discussing what they looked like (gongs, apparently, or palm fronds). The conversation then turned into a list of all of the things that should be made into earrings.

Triangle (ding ding! Dinner’s ready, folks!)
Grandfather clock
measuring tape
pepper spray
dental floss
ear warmers
ears!
hammers/screwdrivers
pez dispensers
tambourines/gongs
mp3 players
digital billboards
spinners
tv screens
satellite dishes

circles

we felt the silence, in the way a child knows to be quiet when the room hushes suddenly.
it wasn’t heavy…it lifted the heart, and around we went
our shoes in varied sounds and rhythms.
the city moved on, in the usual way, and in our one way we spent forever
following the thousands before.

99 days

Today I noticed that we have 99 days until a Very Important Event (I should have noticed 100, but it has been a little busy around here!).

Last night I spent time with people I usually don’t see very often, and it was a breath of fresh air. We had coffee (well, I ate an entire meal, dinner #2) and had some conversation that made my brain happy. By this I mean there were ideas and conversations that were entirely different than my usual interactions, with new stories and amusing anecdotes. Perfect.

Breaking things

This morning was a little ridiculous. Lucia came over to eat breakfast with me before the Celebration of the Birth of the Bab (we’re on a lunar calendar for some Holy Days here). In the span of 20 minutes, I broke 2 eggs (at different times), a full jar of minced garlic, and two cups.

Broken glass and food everywhere. And I dropped some vegetables and silverware while cooking. I’m a mess. The thing is…this isn’t normal for me. I am not a messy person, and I rarely break things. Ah well…it made for a good laugh. Maybe this is a sign that I should stay out of the kitchen for a while.

Tonight is cold and windy. Our flat is exceptionally drafty, so even though I have my heater on, my hands are slowly turning to icicles. I’m going to snuggle into bed now and enjoy my sleep.

Dusty old books

There were boxes of old books in the parking garage today, marked “FREE!”, with that musty smell and slick dust feeling. We dug through them, hugging the discoveries to our chests. The tip of my nose starting twitching, the usual reaction to things that have been sitting forgotten on a shelf for too long.

One of my most treasured memories is standing in Uncle C.E.’s office about 2 months before he passed away in 2005. He had a fantastic library of books, especially first editions of Baha’i books that I’d never seen before. He showed me pictures of his family from 50 years ago, told me about his childhood, and watched me as I carefully pulled one book off a shelf, then another.

I just remember looking around at him, sitting in his leather chair, smiling at me. His health at that point was not good, but we did not know that he would die of cancer so soon after. No one did. As Carmen and I drove away from the house, we started crying…something told me I would not see him in this world again.

We were family, even though there was no blood relation. He took a few pictures of Carmen and I in the garden: “Stand there…smile!” I got those pictures later from Aunt G., and cried when I saw them. He loved us so much…asking questions: “What are you doing next? Are you looking for jobs? Ten years from now?”; and telling us that he was proud of us. Telling us kids to take care of each other…sometimes I feel like I’ve failed at that one. The 5 of us are scattered across the globe.

Every time I stopped by his office while I was in school, he would ask me how my schooling was going, if I was studying enough (probably not!), and he would just look at me and I would want to try harder, do better.

I miss him. If this was a piece of paper, the ink would be running off the page right now.

Path of dust

My heart is in a wistful mood,
my tiny little sorrows shake the dust from my soul.
My laughter has strong intention behind it.
Music with piano and soft whispered tones reaches inside me,
perhaps in 43,200 minutes words will be spoken again
and then too late.

Since my words stumble, fall, put on band-aids, and promptly fall again, songs must step in to assist.

Brett Dennen- Desert Sunrise
Cinematic Orchestra- To Build a Home
Joshua Radin- Winter

———————————————-Everything, and nothing really new. Ran into some friends who were on pilgrimage, had some fun coincidences, finally settled into my flat (after 2 months!), watched the miniscule amount of fireworks, went to a much-needed devotional at Lucia’s, hang around with the usual crowd, discussed possible day trips around Israel, interesting discussion with a friend, lunches full of laughter…This last week has been full of preparation for a large meeting on Friday, every night after work…I’m excited, I know it will go well, and if things mess up it is ok. Really, my entire term of service here has been about patience and detachment.