This weekend there shall be a convergence upon Kansas City, KS such as it has never seen.  We are flying, driving, busing, and perhaps even walking to THE wedding of the summer.

Too much?  Nah.

To say that we’re excited about the union of Andrew and Erin would be a bit of an understatement. They are quite loved, and lovely, and then there is the fact that it is also going to be an entire weekend of partying, hanging out with friends that have spread out across the continent over the last few years, and very little sleep.

A road trip with some of my closest friends to reach this wedding, traversing the cornfields of the American Midwest, should yield a number of interesting pictures, which I will post upon my return.

So if you know of anyone that is hiring, do let me know.  :-)  I’ve got a nice little resume and work experience.  Project/Event management type jobs, preferably, but I really don’t know where I’m going to end up.  Quite fun.

That is all I’ve got for today!  Hope everyone is enjoying the last days of summer (well, in the northern Hemisphere, anyway.  Trying to remember my global readership.).

The ingredients in the fridge were perfect for grilling, and so I decided to make a meal of it for the family.

First, I made Persian kabob kubideh and rice. People seem to think that kabob is so difficult, but it really isn’t.

For the vegetables, I decided to get a little creative. I sliced some tomatoes in half and placed them on the grill. I also peeled, sliced, and washed some eggplant, also placing them on the grill. I basted both with melted butter.

As soon as the vegetables were cooked (making sure to turn them over), I placed slices of mozzarella cheese on top. On the tomatoes I placed some leaves of fresh basil, and on the eggplant I put some garlic and fresh cilantro. As soon as the cheese was melted, I took the vegetables off the grill.

And yes, it was delicious.

It makes me less lonely when my friends are writers: I feel their souls next to me when I read their words.

There are a few things that make me smile, no matter what. At the moment all I can remember is that babies are at the top of that list, but also somewhere in there are the moments in between our words when we can smile in silence.

Speaking of which, silence is only good to me when it is in comfort. At most other times, words or music fill the spaces, and that makes me happy. I love the quickness of words between friends, the back and forth movements, like watching a tennis match between two or four or ten people. The chaos is beautiful.

When the chocolate chip cookies were in the oven tonight, I wanted to keep baking, to hold onto the memories of 11 year old me in the kitchen, and the additional countless past and future times I have been or will be in the kitchen, washing the butter from my hands and waiting impatiently for the end.

Going to the beach makes me revert to a child-like state. I will run into a flock of seagulls, play in the water, and act in a rather frivolous manner. Pray that this never changes.

I have grown quiet in the sense that my words are struggling to fit the things I know and see, the little pieces of the world around me and the things that we cannot see with our physical eyes. Sensing the small changes and the shards of glass and the bottle caps and perfectly cut grass and the sirens and the sun coming in through the window to light up your hair and a giant bowl of ice cream and

wait for it

shaking my head (I’ve lost it).

But there is time for endless lists. Emotions are stored in neat little labeled boxes on a rickety shelf somewhere in the back of my head. The most fiery one is the sense of justice, the most meek the feeling of accomplishment. Somewhere in between and all expansive is love.

There are things to do. Decisions to be made. I’ve been home for nearly 2 months, and it has been a much needed break from the last few years of work (and before that, school). So…I’m working on that. Being an adult is so strange.

(at the House of Worship)

I had the opportunity to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics on Friday night, but have not really watched much else since then. As a child, I remember sitting in front of the television for hours, fascinated by both the summer and winter Olympics.

There are the little everyday things, but I will share those in other ways, in pictures and poetry.

I am feeling the sweet things, the moments where soft voices merge
and we’re whispering in the dark, with lilies and the sound of old trees
sighing against the wind.

In the in-between time, the familiar pieces of myself jangling jarringly against the other pieces of me.
I have no peace with myself.
We’re wearing sweaters with holes in too many places but I’m okay with the lack of patches:
it lets the sunlight in.
Stand outside with the breeze blowing south and drawing me towards the promise of something. Reflections strike our eyes.
I’ve fallen into the solid forgiveness of knowing without a reason.

I wish I could see your eyes
sweet whisper
there were colors that danced
and faded into the words

Make sure the ghosts don’t follow me
if the past was gone away
make the dreams pass silently
only in your arms

I wish I knew you
in your silent possibilities
of every hope I had
lost in the growing up of a child

pictures, scraps of fabric, little wooden boxes
dried rose petals
pieces of paper
a library card, a necklace, two notebooks
three postcards
a dress older than me
and my baby blanket in a Japanese box

past

and the future is waiting impatiently
please tell me because I am lost without
some sort of light
too tired to hope
oh I tried and was left behind
and now I smile as I catch roses
waiting for you.

“Hey man, you gotta wipe the prints.  They find the prints, you’re going to get caught.  You gotta wipe the prints!”

-young man on the phone, crossing the street at State and Randolph, downtown Chicago.

hahahaha, yeah, that was weird.  And oh, I’m back.  Sorry about the problems with the site, all fixed now (thanks, webmaster!).

There are so many stories.

Too many words.

There are literally dozens of emails that I have not replied to.   I want to, but am unable to write at the moment.

I am having so much fun.  Grandparents, family, realizing that my little sister is WAY smarter than me, catching up with my Chicago friend-loves, laughing so much my sides hurt, and sleeping…a lot.

I was in the Barnes & Noble in downtown Evanston on Saturday afternoon, having intended to wander around the art festival but being lazy and deciding to read inside instead.  The weather got really bad.  Tents and debris were flying by, people were banging on the emergency door to be let in…it was pretty intense.  I saw several people with pretty bad cuts.  Very surreal.

When I was booking my plane tickets from Haifa to Chicago, I decided that I wanted to stop for two days in Turkey for sightseeing and pilgrimage.  So…I did. Go here for the entire set of pictures.

I arrived in Istanbul at 1 pm on Monday afternoon, the 16th of June, checked into my hotel, and promptly set off in the direction of the old city, on foot, alone.  There were so many things to see, and although I was exhausted (having had very little sleep for the last 36 hours), I wanted to see as much as I could. I was hungry, but unwilling to stop at a restaurant, so I purchased a bag of Turkish delight (lokum) to eat as I walked.

Sultan Ahmed Mosque
(I had to walk around it before I went in, just to take in the sheer size of it)

I also saw the outside of the Hagia Sophia, a lot of random parks, and historic-looking buildings. I explored the Kapalıçarşı (”Covered Bazaar”), where a carpet seller tried to ask me on a date. After that experience, I switched my ring to my left ring finger and pretended like I didn’t hear guys when they would talk to me. Traveling alone can be difficult in that way. I bought a few things there, bargaining ferociously. A taxi driver didn’t speak English, but he did point out some historic sites for me, and the Iranian embassy.

Whenever I wanted my picture taken, I would find the nearest American tourist.  They’re so accommodating. 

For dinner I found a kabob restaurant, took my food back to the hotel, and slept rather early. Tuesday morning I woke up at 7 am, walked to the train station, then took a bus from Istanbul to Edirne, about 3 hours away. When I arrived at the bus station in Edirne, I had to take a smaller, local bus into the city. The purpose of my visit to Edirne was to visit the House of Baha’u'llah as a pilgrim. Baha’u'llah, the most recent Manifestation of God, lived in Edirne for over four years.

House of Baha’u'llah in Edirne (Adrianople)

I had the opportunity to pray, meditate, and walk in the same streets and gardens that the Blessed Beauty and His followers lived. It was so peaceful there.

The Selimiye Mosque in Edirne was breathtaking, and literally down the street from the House of Baha’u'llah. I sat in the park nearby for a time, enjoying the sun and the view.

I then took a bus, another bus, and a train back to my hotel in Istanbul. The next morning, Thursday, I woke up in a panic, rather late for the airport, and got on my plane to Chicago.  It was the perfect way to end my service in the Holy Land.

Just a quick post to let everyone know I am home in Chicago.  Turkey was beautiful, and I will write more about it later.  I just walked in the door and I want to spend time with my family. 

Much love, and I miss all of you already.

I am here, at 1:30 am, with so much in my heart and so few words. After 18 months in the Holy Land, I leave to go back to the United States in a few hours. Desperately finishing packing (a word of advice: definitely don’t leave this kind of thing to the last minute).

Serving in Haifa was a blessing, and I am overwhelmed by the love and friendship that I have experienced. You all know who you are. You have affected me in so many ways, and I treasure every moment we have had together, and look forward to seeing you again. I have no doubt that we will.

I will be home on Wednesday, after a brief stop in Turkey, which I will write more about after my travels. For now, I want to share an excerpt from something by Hand of the Cause William Sears, which I found while writing my farewell email to the staff at the Baha’i World Centre. It touched my heart in exactly the right way, and explained so well how I am feeling.

I can no longer wait,
The time grows short, the world moves on,
The sun goes down and the hour is late.

Some chances, we are told
Come once in life.
Some, every hundred years
And, some like this, of ours
Comes only once
Then never reappears.

and so now the rain that refused to fall from the sky
is falling down in memories of the never will be
and I am slowly waking toward healing.

in silence I stumble
in these reflections, humbled
in moments I finally see

I am the eternal traveler
staying close to home
I will make tea for you
bare feet will touch wooden floors
whenever the rain comes down
from the vicious gray skies

we are sheltered.

It is that odd little vegetable that most people don’t seem to know what to do with. In the southeastern United States, we put it in gumbo or breaded and fried. As a kid, I loved going to restaurants in South Carolina or Georgia, where I would pile my plate high with fried okra and mashed potatoes. In Persian cuisine, it is cooked in a stew of beef, tomatoes, potatoes, and onion. This is probably one of the most simple dishes to make, and I make it often.

Some people don’t like the consistency of okra…well, not much I can do about that! I try not to overcook the okra (I put it in at the very end), so it isn’t quite so slimy. Here is my recipe for khoresht-e bamieh. It serves about5 people, since I really only know how to cook for a family.

1 onion, diced
2 large potatoes, peeled and diced
2 tomatoes, diced
1 small can tomato paste (several tablespoons)
1 pound cubed beef
1 package of frozen okra, or 1/2 pound fresh okra
salt, pepper
1 teaspoon tumeric

If you have a slow cooker, just throw all of the ingredients in except for the okra, let it cook overnight, and then put the okra in for the last hour. If not, it takes a few more steps:

Fry onions, meat, and spices on low heat with a little bit of oil and water for about 40 minutes, until browned. In a separate pot, boil the potatoes at the same time. Combine all ingredients in pot and cook for another hour.

Eat as a stew by itself, or over rice.

This past weekend was a long one, as it was the Ascension of Baha’u'llah, and we had 3 days in a row off of work. A lucky group of 13 (5 guys and 8 girls) took a road trip down to Eilat, which is the southernmost city in Israel and a resort town.

We rode camels

Spent a lot of time at the beach/in the sun

And drove through the desert

There were 3 cars, and each had their own “style” when it came to music choices and driving. My car changed CDs between ABBA, Elvis, Chicago, Top 40 hits, Indie rock, and musicals. It was, quite frankly, hilarious. Also, my car was in the lead, and managed to get the entire caravan lost in Be’er Sheva for at least a 1/2 hour.  “Stay the course!” was the phrase of the day.  U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” was playing while we wandered around the city.

We ate good food and walked up and down the boardwalk, stopping for various amusements.  We played volleyball in the pool at the hotel, slept in, and generally relaxed.  I must say, for such a large group, we were fairly well organized.

So, just a few weeks before I leave Israel, I finally went to Eilat. 

“In this wondrous age, however, praised be God, the commandments of God are not delimited, not restricted to any one group of people, rather have all the friends been commanded to show forth fellowship and love, consideration and generosity and loving-kindness to every community on earth. Now must the lovers of God arise to carry out these instructions of His: let them be kindly fathers to the children of the human race, and compassionate brothers to the youth, and self-denying offspring to those bent with years. The meaning of this is that ye must show forth tenderness and love to every human being, even to your enemies, and welcome them all with unalloyed friendship, good cheer, and loving-kindness. When ye meet with cruelty and persecution at another’s hands, keep faith with him; when malevolence is directed your way, respond with a friendly heart. To the spears and arrows rained upon you, expose your breasts for a target mirror-bright; and in return for curses, taunts and wounding words, show forth abounding love. Thus will all peoples witness the power of the Most Great Name, and every nation acknowledge the might of the Ancient Beauty, and see how He hath toppled down the walls of discord, and how surely He hath guided all the peoples of the earth to oneness; how He hath lit man’s world, and made this earth of dust to send forth streams of light.”

 (Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 20)

To carry out these instructions in practice is our struggle, our daily test.  And it is so easy to fall into the traps of our lower nature, which urge us to fight, to treat others with disrespect, cruelty, and even hatred.  It is an active process, something we must pay attention to and guard our behavior.

I have been so blessed in my life to be surrounded by individuals who manifest the positive qualities listed above.  It saddens me to leave the ones that I have served with at the Baha’i World Centre, but I am so, so happy that I have had the opportunity to meet them, if only for a fleeting moment in eternity.

A brunch, as I usually do, with several dozen pancakes, bacon, eggs, potatoes, and the like.

A quick run up the mountain to take a picture.

An afternoon of discussion, ordering dinner to be eaten with chopsticks.

An evening with candles and the laughter between friends.

The sun ever-present and healing, and my memories are formed of these never-ending days. This is what I will remember.

more than
my molten eyes and sudden smile
there are years behind what you see
I am
more than your assumption of me
I am
images across a screen
I am
scraped knees and willow trees
I am
dirt paths and lace dresses

whispered secrets with my mother & father & sisters
shouted secrets with my friends

I am more than
the visual

I am
the sum of thousands of years of history
and the stories of my family

I am oceans and sand and soft green grass and finding arrowheads in piles of stone
journeys under endless skies and the sky was left behind under the pink city glow
I am…

And we shout so desperately that we are! We are human and we live/think/exist! Let me prove to you that I exist with one simple formula! The universe must know…we must know…I must know…

I am waiting here for you to find.
I am
more than
what you thought you knew.

Yesterday I felt sort of miserable.  And then last night it morphed into a full-blown virus of some kind.   These are a few anecdotes for you to enjoy:

1. I watched Season 6 of Scrubs.  And half of Season 7.

2. I have not left my bed all day…

3. Except for making a pot of soup and mashed potatoes.  I then took the pot of mashed taters into bed with me because I didn’t want to have to wash another bowl.

4. A friend called today and didn’t recognize me because she said, “You sounded like an old lady!”

5. Not much food left in our fridge, so today I ate: a gluten-free tuna sandwich, a pot of chicken soup, a bowl of ice cream (shh, I know you shouldn’t eat ice cream when you’re sick, but my throat hurt so much!), 4 cups of lemon/ginger/honey tea, two cups of coffee, half a bottle of orange juice, water, and mashed potatoes.   I had a craving for chips but we didn’t have any.  It seems like whenever I’m sick, my body demands the weirdest things.

6.  I have used up one tissue box. I am working on my second box.

7.  I may have talked in my sleep this afternoon, but since I was by myself, I really don’t know for sure.  I did wake myself up a few times, though.

8.  I didn’t even have to go to the pharmacy because I had everything in my medicine drawer. 

I haven’t had a cold in a really long time…actually, I was shocked that I didn’t get one earlier.  I think that Someone was looking out for me, because during the very busy planning and working of the last few months, I did not even get the sniffles (except for allergies to dust storms), and that is rare for me.  So I’m taking this illness with a measure of grace and acceptance that I’m just paying my dues.  But it would be really great to heal quickly…I have so much to do!

I am sensing silence from you
maybe I am too sensitive
maybe you are too far gone.

I dreamed of you last night
there was no music playing behind us
underneath campfire skies.

I was told that you wanted to see me
and my instantly forgiving heart
opened my arms to you.

I think that mostly these dreams
are me, speaking to me
and you are just the messenger.

I wish that maybe someday
there won’t be a need for words
and you will tell me what you were thinking.