Mission (Feb 2004)

I lost sight of my mission somewhere along the way.
At my birth I was given an inescapable task.
“Go and teach, spread the Word, be worthy of your heritage.”
Such a noble legacy, stories of heroism, sacrifice, and love.
Somewhere, my ego got in the way.
In my zeal to serve I realized other things.
I became less naïve and more cynical.
My compassion never diminished, but my intentions changed.
When I protest, they say I’m just being humble.
Most of the time, it is true.
But somewhere inside me, my conscience is cringing.

I recognized the need to strive one day,
When I sat in a room full of people and didn’t want to connect with them.
Fellow human beings, and even my social abilities were strained.
(please understand, for me this is very strange!)
It is like a shock to the system.
Surrounded by the things I love most in the world
I wanted to be alone.
It has never occurred to me to be other that who I am
The combination of characteristics that makes me unique.
And my beliefs will never change.

But in myself, I was aware of a call for transformation.
God never leaves us without a solution.
To pray, to seek guidance, to simply serve with all of your heart and soul.
Struggling against the lower nature, the part of you that says:
“But I want to sleep in today.” Or “I want a reward for this job.”
In the process of separation from self,
I found myself, somewhere along the way.
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The Mars Volta- Televators
Maroon 5- This Love (you can listen to a few songs at the website)
Brian Jonestown Massacre- a lot of their songs (all of which you can listen to at the site)
311- Love Song (remake of the song by the Cure)
Live- Run Away

Music is helping me stay sane with all of the things I have going on right now. Yes indeed.

Oh yeah, and it helps that Ayyam-i-Ha starts on Thursday.

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When one moves away to college, they pack up the majority of their belongings in boxes to store in the basement. Knicknacks, old books, stuffed animals, high school awards…

Like any other student, I did the same. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have slowly organized these boxes (which at some points have numbered at 10!). I am such a packrat. Now the numbers are dwindling (mostly because I take more stuff with me every time I move in & out).

Tonight I ventured to the basement to find my old journal/sketchbook. I bought it in high school when I started designing clothes and writing poems. I wanted to look at some of my old poetry and maybe even post it here. I did not find it…however, I found my box of Chinese & Japanese knicknacks and DECA awards & pins. My living room is decorated with an Asian theme, so I packed up those things to take. And after 3 years of DECA events and competitions, I have a lot of stuff.

More than finding mere decorating items, however, I found things that reminded me of high school, of my room, my friends, and my family. I found things that reminded me how much I enjoyed fantasy books, candles, and clutter. I even found all four of my old High School IDs.

Memory lane for me is segmented, disjointed. There are so many things to remember, and something different triggers those memories every time.

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I just got The Tea Party’s cd Transmission from Amazon last week. This cd is…powerful. I’ve liked their music for a few years now but have been unable to buy their cds here in the USA…they are from Canada, and very popular there. You can listen to some samples at Amazon.

I also acquired the newest Live cd, Birds of Pray. Very good, doesn’t have as much electronic crazyness as the album before it (V). I now own all 6 Live cds! One of my favorite songs on this album is “The Sanctity of Dreams”.

Another recommendation is Ours. I have both of their cds (Distorted Lullabies and Precious), but have listened to the first one more. Personally I feel it shows the lead singer’s vocal range more accurately, and has catchy songs. Perhaps I just need time to get used to the new one. Click here for a good review. Their website seems to have disappeared.

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Ta Da! I have internet access on my computer after 1 month without it. I was going crazy.

If you click on the link below, you will be able to see the recipe for Kabob and Persian rice that I adapted from the Food of Life cookbook. Enjoy!
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except for the subject line. My opinions on love, relationships, marriage, and all that surrounds our emotions do not carry much weight. The Baha’i Writings, however, are much more powerful.

There are four kinds of love….
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Since I had time to kill before work, I fixed the links on my sidebar over to the right (I know some browsers have trouble seeing my sidebar, try scrolling down to the bottom of the page).

I reinstated my “People” links, with some new names (Jessica & Mahsa, welcome to this blogiverse!). Some more links, some taken out…

And guess what, y’all? BAHAIYOUTH.COM IS BACK!!! Starting Wednesday. So you have to wait a few more days…I assure you, it is going to be great.

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Things I have learned this weekend:

*When your friends play the guitar, goof off, and make drums out of tupperware, you know you’ve got cool friends…even if they like to play a game involving a Dictionary. *grin*

*When you are planning a huge conference and people offer to help, things seem a lot less hard.

*College is the perfect time to fit more people in a car than you thought you could. It is like a rite of passage…that you do over and over again.

*The weekend isn’t long enough, dang it!

*And sometimes, things happen that make you realize how awful it would be if something bad happened to any of the people in your life.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Try not to bother me too much this week, I have a lot of studying to do.

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I have an Emachine (don’t say bad things about my computer!) with Windows XP. My ethernet network card that I installed 2 years ago seems to have completely died, and no one knows how to fix it.

What kind is good? This is the one I have in my computer right now, should I just order another one?

There are bets going around on how long my computer will last, but I’m hoping another year at least. I need my internet NOW.

EDIT: Ordered the card. Should be here in the next few days!

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I unplugged the computer, took off the case, cleaned out the dust, replugged it, and voila! It turned on!

Maybe it was having an allergy attack?

Now I just need to get the internet working…

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If ever I should wonder whether I picked the right majors (Marketing & Management), all I have to do is remember how I ace the exams in these classes without even trying.

It is still snowing.

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My trusty computer has gotten very ill. It won’t turn on completely, the little cheerful green light in front is dark, and all I can hear is a sad little hum from the machine. The screen is black, nothing registers.

I hope it is the monitor…doubt it though. In any case, if anyone wants to fix it for me, I’d be quite happy. *looks around hopefully*

*sigh*

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