Mission (Feb 2004)
I lost sight of my mission somewhere along the way.
At my birth I was given an inescapable task.
“Go and teach, spread the Word, be worthy of your heritage.”
Such a noble legacy, stories of heroism, sacrifice, and love.
Somewhere, my ego got in the way.
In my zeal to serve I realized other things.
I became less naïve and more cynical.
My compassion never diminished, but my intentions changed.
When I protest, they say I’m just being humble.
Most of the time, it is true.
But somewhere inside me, my conscience is cringing.
I recognized the need to strive one day,
When I sat in a room full of people and didn’t want to connect with them.
Fellow human beings, and even my social abilities were strained.
(please understand, for me this is very strange!)
It is like a shock to the system.
Surrounded by the things I love most in the world
I wanted to be alone.
It has never occurred to me to be other that who I am
The combination of characteristics that makes me unique.
And my beliefs will never change.
But in myself, I was aware of a call for transformation.
God never leaves us without a solution.
To pray, to seek guidance, to simply serve with all of your heart and soul.
Struggling against the lower nature, the part of you that says:
“But I want to sleep in today.” Or “I want a reward for this job.”
In the process of separation from self,
I found myself, somewhere along the way.
There is a reason parts of this poem are in present tense, and other parts in past tense. This poem represents conflicting emotions, and how one deals with them. Also, in the process of transformation, one never knows if they have really overcome something, I think.