I dreamed we were all standing on the shore
staring across the bay
and our feet felt the rocks beneath our shoes.
There were clouds above and below
in between our silent stares.
We all gathered in an empty stone house
elbows touching, feet shuffling
and our spirits were lifted by a Hand.
I dreamed that your eyes stabbed into mine
made me realize that in some ways
it is better that I am gone.
I dreamed that my suitcases
were being packed one last time
(for the fourth time)
and I know I haven’t left yet.
I dreamed that you were so happy
dressed in white.
and so confused.
I dreamed that we were in a forest,
and you came to me smiling
there were never words said
and I am left wondering.
so many rich allusions.
so many layers.
Wow, its been an insanely long time! Its funny how memories can be altered to form reality (aka I was thinking of the past and now we see where I wandered)
In terms of the poem, its incredibly good! Only two questions/suggestions…
1. The word shoes seems a little out of place. I understand the simplicity of the word in terms of trying to format your overall message of a stoic scene as portrayed by your “wondering” and “dream” theme… However, the word just has too hard of a sound to be at the beginning of the poem… its too finite (as outlined by the period after it), and, dare I say it, too descriptive for this time defying poem. (unsure as to what to change it with, but thats the initial impression)
2. Obviously I am sure that there is meaning behind it, but what is the purpose of beginning with ocean imagery and ending with forest imagery? Is it supposed to be a link to God/nature? Is it supposed to portray a forlorn state? Regardless, why begin in one place and end in another w/o any clear transition (especially since you “haven’t left yet?” Does this gain you anything rather than sticking to the original ocean theme?
Overall incredible piece, I just felt like throwing in my two cents and hope all is well!
Alex: haha long time, for sure!
A few things to explain about my poetry. First of all, the passages above all describe separate dreams that I had. Second, I like putting things in my poetry that don’t fit. Something that makes the person feel like they are a little off-balance, and ground the poem a little. I’m not a fan of too much fluff without something tying it down a bit.
There was no purpose to imagery, I actually didn’t think about it at all…just happened that way. 🙂 I rarely edit my poetry and usually write without thinking about it in advance.
I never studied poetry or writing, really, so everything I do is rather loose, and while a lot of my poetry have a basis in reality…I don’t follow rules.
Thanks for commenting!