You are currently browsing the archives for November, 2006.
Mom and I got to hang out tonight and catch up on things while I made necklaces (one of my hobbies). Surrounded by my suitcases, she told me that one of the dresses that is in the “undecided” pile of clothing has seen a lot of the world. It went from Germany to Iran, back to Germany, then to Wyoming, USA (all in 1978). That put it in the suitcase, just because I want to wear something that has traveled the world as much as I have, and that is older than me. I always vaguely knew it was a well-traveled dress, but the specific story did it for me. 
‘What is the purpose of our lives?’‘Abdu’l-Baha– ‘To acquire virtues. We come from the earth; why were we transferred from the mineral to the vegetable kingdom — from the plant to the animal kingdom? So that we may attain perfection in each of these kingdoms, that we may possess the best qualities of the mineral, that we may acquire the power of growing as in the plant, that we may be adorned with the instincts of the animal and possess the faculties of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste, until from the animal kingdom we step into the world of humanity and are gifted with reason, the power of invention, and the forces of the spirit.’(Abdu’l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 176)
Wert thou to consider this world, and realize how fleeting are the things that pertain unto it, thou wouldst choose to tread no path except the path of service to the Cause of thy Lord. None would have the power to deter thee from celebrating His praise, though all men should arise to oppose thee.
(Baha’u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u'llah, p. 314)
I never knew it would be this hard.
How do I choose?! hahahaha.
i am drowning in the past
all because i am leaving
i am holding on
dusty boxes and photos
i leave fingerprints
on these white walls.
write down everything
write every word and thought
i don’t want to have to guess
or overthink my analysis
i used to sing to them
in the soft sounds of me
my little voice against waves
of unease.
i can’t let go
i have these dusty fingertips
and haunting poems
and prayers that won’t come out
these flashes of inspiration
these depths of desertion
i have it all
i am holding it all in my heart
this safe little box with a key
i broke it.
i’m sorry.
I leave in exactly 2 weeks. To go here. To work in this building:
wow.
It has been an interesting process, the last few weeks of packing and saying goodbyes. I am trying to not become a hermit (which is very easy for me to do, actually, and surprises my friends quite a bit when I do it, since I am naturally a social human being). I am trying to spend time with my family.
I’ve seen some pretty good movies in the last week…Stranger Than Fiction (loved it), Flushed Away (cute), Casino Royale (liked it muchly), and The Departed (liked it, but was tired at the end).
A highly recommended book to read: 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus, by Charles C. Mann. Absolutely fascinating, and definitely worth your time.
I was reading the latest issue of Discover magazine tonight, which had an article called “The God Experiments”. (Sorry, you have to be a subscriber to read the whole article.) They highlight different attempts at researching religion and religious experiences through science (mostly attempts by scientists to debunk religion, which seems like a waste of time to me, but whatever). Suffice to say that some of the ways they have of doing this are kind of wacky (like electromagnetic stimulation of the brain and other experiments/research).
Tonight I couldn’t sleep, and as I browsed Ocean I found the following references to the nature of the soul, which reminded me of this article. I’m continually fascinated by science and religion (having been raised in a simultaneously religious/scientific household). And I am always surprised to see how much religion bothers scientists, and vice versa.
Be it known that to know the reality or essence of the soul of man is impossible, for in order to know a thing, one must comprehend it, and since a thing cannot comprehend itself, to know one’s self in substance or essence is impossible. As the comprehender cannot be comprehended, man cannot know himself in reality or essence. In order to obtain knowledge of any reality, or soul of man, the student must study the manifestations, qualities, names and characteristics of man. This much can be stated, that the reality of man is a pure and unknown essence constituting a depository, emanating from the light of the Ancient Entity — God.
(Compilations, Baha’i Scriptures, p. 405)
Thou hast asked Me concerning the nature of the soul. Know, verily, that the soul is a sign of God, a heavenly gem whose reality the most learned of men hath failed to grasp, and whose mystery no mind, however acute, can ever hope to unravel. It is the first among all created things to declare the excellence of its Creator, the first to recognize His glory, to cleave to His truth, and to bow down in adoration before Him. If it be faithful to God, it will reflect His light, and will, eventually, return unto Him. If it fail, however, in its allegiance to its Creator, it will become a victim to self and passion, and will, in the end, sink in their depths.
(Baha’u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u'llah, p. 158)
Part of the wonderful thing about being home at my parent’s house is access to a really great kitchen. It is so clean, so wonderful, so well stocked! I was able to make gluten-free brownies, my famous spaghetti (which is made from scratch), and snack on stuff while I cooked today. Any herbs, spices, or random ingredients that I might need are always in the pantry.
This makes me happy.
I wrenched my knee this afternoon while hanging a mirror over the sink, so I’m icing it (mmm frosting. haha) and hoping it gets better…will probably end up putting a brace on it.
Packing for Haifa is coming along slowly. I am fighting a cold that has pretty much put me out of commission except for keeping the house clean and cooking, so I’m struggling to get everything done around here.
Exciting life, no?
you drove the sleep from my eyes
tireless I’ll roam now
with the squeaking hinges of discomfort
rattling in my brain.
I am watching waiting
in the way only a very late night
or early morning can bring on,
that,
delirious half-dream that
takes on a life of its own.
I was looking at the distance between places
and realized that the spaces
are only here because we chose them
I wish I could choose otherwise sometimes.
Keep thinking these are thorns
or pins set to trip you up
set in place to pierce your voodoo doll
the one you gave me
the one that has pieces of your heart
tangled up in mine.
I filled a 14 foot UHaul truck with my stuff. Ridiculous.
Also, I never knew trees had so many leaves, until I tried to rake my parent’s yard. Whew.
I have one month until I leave for Haifa. December 6th.
The checklist continues to shrink. I have found a person to fill the spot in my house in Chicago, have gotten all of my paperwork done, purchased my plane ticket, and have begun packing my material possessions.
This is WAY more work than I thought it would be.
Somehow, over the last 2 years that I have resided in my house, I have accumulated a vast amount of stuff. Some of it is important stuff…my Baha’i library is something I am very happy about. (My parents have had a lot to do with making sure I have so many books!) I’m going to be living at my parent’s house for the next month, and that is where my stuff will be while I’m gone.
There are other things I’m realizing that I just don’t need. It feels really great to go through my life like this.
Preparation for Haifa is a strange process. I have had very little time by myself recently, so have not really thought about it. And honestly, I’m not going to get myself worked up over it. Yes, I’m moving to the Holiest place on Earth (to Baha’is), for 18 months, and it happens to be across the world, and I’m going to be doing a job that I am pretty sure that I will love.
There will be tests that come along with it, and people give me advice about Haifa (which I choose to listen to or ignore, whatever suits my fancy). But in the end, what it boils down to is that I am looking forward to the opportunity to have a job that I love, to work on my weaknesses and overcome tests. I’m excited about taking advantage of deepening classes, of all of the wonderful things I’m going to have access to there.
I’m eager to experience change, both inwardly and outwardly.
“O Son of Man! Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command, accursed wouldst thou be, and to this I bear witness.”
(Baha’u'llah, The Hidden Words)
Are we so careless with our words and love for each other as human beings that we find it acceptable to so easily toss our assumptions and accusations out to the world at large? Why is it so easy to say hurtful and damaging things about each other without a second thought? We have so much work to do to heal this world, and instead we concern ourselves with the faults of others.
In ‘Star of the West’…there is a record of a reply given by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá in a private interview in Paris in 1913. He was asked ‘How shall I overcome seeing the faults of others – recognizing the wrong in others?’, and He replied: ‘I will tell you. Whenever you recognize the fault of another, think of yourself! What are my imperfections? – and try to remove them. Do this whenever you are tried through the words or deeds of others. Thus you will grow, become more perfect. You will overcome self, you will not even have time to think of the faults of others…’
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 89)