I am frustrated.
There used to be Baha’i songs, prayers, I was learning a new song every week in Chicago and there were people with rhythm around me. With no effort a voice would be raised in praise.
Today someone asked me to chant, and I could not think of a single prayer to chant, and fell back on one that I love but am so tired of singing.
I need new songs. There is no music in me, no instruments to pick up and raise to the sky to say “Look! I created something.” I create words that don’t rhyme (most of the time). But the one piece I own is my voice, and it is suffering, it is stifled.
I can’t create a harmony. I can lead people in song, I can sing solo decently, I am a high soprano with a wide range…but none of this matters because I can’t remember any songs or prayers any more.
The only way I memorize prayers is through song. And I can’t remember.