Sliding Thoughts

The blog of Sholeh Loehle

October 22, 2009
by sholeh
3 Comments

Still here

I am still here.
In silence with the water forming lakes around my boots,
with the golden red leaves forming islands around my feet.
I am…in a few places at once.

With tall buildings, cold people, fascinating streets
(that dream is farther away now, diminishing every week).

In warm sunshine where we bowed our heads
always, always among the cool stone and cypress trees
(I will never leave)

Among these people, this place, my home, the familiar roads
at first, breathless, dormant, unmoving
and now,
and now…
this is where I should be.

October 9, 2009
by sholeh
4 Comments

Trash the Dress

A few weeks ago, my friend Melissa Diep asked a few other ladies and myself to be models for a “Trash the Dress” photoshoot with about 20 photographers.  First we went to a location under the railroad tracks in downtown Chicago.  It is hard to tell in this picture, but I was clambering up onto concrete, walking barefoot on railroad tracks, and dragging the poor dress all over some very dirty ground.

(photo by Ny Brown)

After a few hours of shooting, it started to rain, so we drove up to Foster Beach to get some shots in and near Lake Michigan.  I was the first one in the water.

That’s right, I went into the lake.  With a wedding dress on. In September.

I had a great time, the other models and the photographers were really fun to work with.  I also learned a lot about photography, since the photographers were giving each other advice and directing the models.

September 29, 2009
by sholeh
6 Comments

The Day of Ridiculous

Today can only be called the Day of Ridiculous.  It really started last night, when I was baking and cooking up a storm, and set off the smoke alarm at 9:30 pm. My neighbors must LOVE me.

This morning I slept through my alarm, but managed to wake up in time to get ready and out the door.  I even packed my breakfast & lunch in a large brown bag.

I grabbed the brown bag and the bag of trash by my back door and headed down to my car.  With the bags in my right hand and my keys in my left, I swung the garbage into the dumpster.

I had a fairly decent grip on my lunch in the brown bag, but the handle ripped and the bag toppled into the dumpster with the trash.  Unfortunately, the dumpster had been emptied yesterday, so everything went into the very bottom. Into dumpster juice and assorted nastiness.

Gross.  Luckily, it was all still in the brown bag, mostly protected.

I wasn’t going to abandon my lunch, however.  Anyone who has spent time with me knows my relationship with food.  I couldn’t reach the bottom of the dumpster.  I looked around, and saw a desktop printer that someone had put by the dumpster, dragged it over, and stood on it.  Still couldn’t reach.

I grabbed the picnic blanket out of the trunk of my car, draped it over the side of the dumpster, and stuck half my body into the dumpster to retrieve my bag.


(artist’s rendition of the morning’s events.)

After that debacle, I got to work, nearly fell on my face when I tripped going up the stairs, and realized that while I had my lunch, I’d forgotten my breakfast on the kitchen counter.

Can we just start today over please?

September 22, 2009
by sholeh
2 Comments

September

For years I have railed against the end of summer, the beginning of autumn.  September was always a month of conflict for me: it is my birth month, but also when school would start up again, and when the weather in Illinois would start changing.

I am a little southern girl at heart, in some ways.  I love the heat, the sun, swimming, and warm summer nights.

Sometimes September will surprise you, though.  On a beautiful September day in Waukegan:

I went to my first White Sox baseball game last night, which was also my second professional sports game ever (the first was hockey).  I’m not a fan of baseball, but I discovered that I had fun even though I don’t know much about the sport, and they were playing the Minnesota Twins (I was born in MN).  It was a good way to close out the summer, and the weather was perfect.

Back to the subject at hand: I discovered that I am looking forward to the scarves, hats, boots, fall leaves, apple-picking, pumpkin flavored everything, the smell of autumn…

When did this happen?!

September 15, 2009
by sholeh
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Happenings

I haven’t really been home for 6 weeks.  I stop here to sleep, do laundry, refill my suitcase, and off I go again!  Travels are over for the time being, life continues to be busy but I’m glad it is slowing down a bit.

Lots of friends have come through town recently, and of course there is the usual revolving door of people moving into Chicago and leaving, visiting and stopping through, with the attached greetings and farewells.

Lauren did some fire spinning for my birthday on the roof of our friends’ apartment building.  It was amazing.

The opportunities for using my camera have been endless.  Especially since I’ve made a habit of carrying my camera with me everywhere.  More photos on flickr…

I have been unable to write very much…no time or inspiration.  I felt the slow stirrings of the writing bug today, though, so maybe it is coming back.

September 4, 2009
by sholeh
2 Comments

oh, today

On sunset, there is a shadowed promise of the night
my favorite time
and I held my breath
we closed our eyes
there was everything surrounding in the stillness of the light.

Today is my birthday. It really feels more like a birthday week, what with the celebrating starting early with an evening at the Chicago Botanic Gardens, and concluding on Monday with more celebration. Everything is wonderful.

September 1, 2009
by sholeh
1 Comment

“Waiting for the Sunrise” book review

This book “is the personal account of an interracial family’s struggle against pervasive racism in the U.S. and the horrors of the civil war that plagued Rwanda in 1994. Raised in the American Midwest, author Elizabeth Gatorano, who is White, had no idea of the trials she would face after marrying Phanuel, who is Black and an immigrant to the U.S. from Rwanda.” (from Baha’i Distribution Service)

“They’re dead.  I know they are dead.” Phanuel stated without looking up.

“Phanuel, we don’t know.  Please don’t let go of the hope that some are still alive.  They need you to keep the hope,” I pleaded.

“What can I do, Liz?  What can I do?  I can’t do anything.  I don’t think you understand how it feels to not be able to do anything.  On top of that, I am watching every day as my classmates, my teachers, my neighbors are being killed.  It is not just my family.  My history is being murdered,” Phanuel said as tears began to form in his eyes.

(excerpt from the book)

Reading Waiting for the Sunrise helped me gain insights into the difficulties that an interracial/intercultural marriage can face, informed me about the impact of the Rwandan civil war and Rwandan culture, and often brought me to tears.  I found myself getting so engrossed in the book that I would look up and realize that it was several hours later than I thought it was.  Their story is a compelling one, and necessary in a world that has more porous borders than before, but still struggles to learn how to accept the reality and necessity of the oneness of humanity.  There are not enough accounts of the transforming power of love, service, and faith, and the author writes in an engaging and personable way that made me wish the book would never end.

You can buy this book at Amazon, Borders, and Barnes & Noble.

August 31, 2009
by sholeh
2 Comments

a reminder

“When we see the condition the world is in today, we must surely forget these utterly insignificant internal disturbances,  and rush, unitedly, to the rescue of humanity. You should urge your fellow Bahá’ís to support you in a strong effort to suppress every critical thought and every harsh word, in order to let the spirit of Bahá’u'lláh flow into the entire community, and unite it in His love and in His service.”

(Shoghi Effendi, Directives from the Guardian, p. 17)

“He feels that you should do your utmost to call the attention of the friends to these large things and real triumphs, and away from their personal differences and petty pre-occupations. Now is certainly not the time for any man to think of himself, or busy himself with the weaknesses of his brother; but, rather each and every Bahá’í must concentrate in the tasks ahead and be reborn in the service of Bahá’u'lláh.”

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the Area National Teaching Committee (USA), July 17, 1950: Bahá’í News, October 1970, p.3)

August 18, 2009
by sholeh
1 Comment

News, updates, photos…

The trial of the seven Baha’i leaders in Iran has been postponed.  As this New York Times article so aptly put it: “The Bahais have long served as the proverbial canaries in the coal mine of Iran’s theocracy.” Injustice against one minority group does not bode well for the rest, which is why it is so important to fight against injustice of this nature.  Individuals should not be jailed because of their religious beliefs.  You would think that this is common sense, but unfortunately humanity still has a lot to learn.

My new camera is wonderful.  I’m still learning to use it, and am looking forward to investing in more lenses.  That will have to wait, however, as I’m considering the purchase of a laptop (I’ve not bought a new computer since 2001!).

I’ve been traveling for work, moving to a new apartment (my sublease is up at the end of the month, so I found another sublease until mid-October), trying to keep up with emails, photos, and other web-related things.  I have not had a chance to write much for Soulpancake, or for myself for that matter.  And, of course, spending time with my family and friends, who tend to get neglected when life gets busy.

If I haven’t told you lately that I love you, please know that I do!

August 6, 2009
by sholeh
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there is the not-quite ocean

It seems like there is almost a reaching toward
a not quite there feeling…
we’re staring off into the distance, hoping for an answer.

really, I was floating in this dream
a soft, sunny place that reflected my heart
and we drifted so far out that I lost my balance
and you lost your focus

A conversation between them is always starting with:
“Hello, you are my friend, I have always wanted to meet you.”
“I know, this is why we are here. To meet.”
“We can’t go very far if you always know what I think.”
“It doesn’t matter, knowing what you think just makes it better.

“Please, please sit down, you’re making me dizzy.”

(I leave in the morning for work-related travel. Maybe I will see new and inspiring things to bring back to all of you.)

July 28, 2009
by sholeh
7 Comments

My new camera

After several years of desperately wanting a digital SLR camera, I finally gave in and bought a Canon EOS 1000D.

I am having fun, and I actually do carry it everywhere with me.  Unfortunately I haven’t had a chance to take a ton of photos and really play with the camera, but I’m learning slowly, and luckily I’m surrounded by some patient photography-inclined friends who are willing to explain things to me.

I’m loving what I can do with these close-up shots, I took a whole series of photos at the Garfield Park Conservatory the other day (which, by the way, is fantastic, and FREE).  It was a bee day, so there were people explaining bees, little kids running around, and honey tasting.

My problem is now that my photos are often better than they used to be, so I have trouble deciding which ones to post.  I want to post all of them!

July 21, 2009
by sholeh
2 Comments

You need to know

Occasionally I like to bring web sites to your attention.  I don’t arbitrarily pick sites…these are hand-chosen, finely tempered sites with class and sophistication. ;-)   This post’s theme is “art & education”.

First of all, my latest interview (in collaboration with Ramin), with artist Alberto Cerriteño,  is up at Soulpancake.  Go read it.

Progress Gallery is a fantastic business that I’ve had the pleasure of being acquainted with for a number of years now (I even helped them move into their current space several years ago).  I was delighted to hear that they put up a website, opened an Etsy shop where you can buy prints and other things, and Bob Reddy, the owner/artist, did an interview with Soulpancake.  Their gallery is located in Evanston, Illinois, so be sure to stop by if you’re in the area.

Speaking of the Reddy family, Shannon Ekundayo Reddy has re-branded as Plot Twist.  You can download his beats, check out his design work, or hire him. :-)

The Chicago Youth Animators “are a group of professionals from diverse ethnic, professional, and religious backgrounds who are interested in helping adolescents in Chicago schools develop the qualities and skills they will need to achieve their own life goals.” They use the junior youth materials published by Palabra, and combine “reading material, group activities, and community service projects.”

Misha is an artist who uses vibrant colors…whenever I see her art in someone’s home, I immediately know it is hers.  She has an online store where you can see and purchase some of her work.

Andrew Johnson, (andropolis.org), has re-launched his site as a portfolio for his work. Go look.

July 14, 2009
by sholeh
1 Comment

Thank you, mom

we were always on an adventure
there were forests to explore, caverns deep underground
the swimming pool every day in the summer
the country back-roads, boiled peanuts on the way to Charleston
the city streets of Chicago and fireworks at night
every single road trip that took us to 40 states
homemade dinners and giving me a love for cooking
middle of the night conversations by the fireplace
and middle of the day conversations by phone
we are always on an adventure
and for that, I am so grateful.

I love you.

July 10, 2009
by sholeh
1 Comment

The trial of the 7 Baha’is in Iran

O army of God! Beware lest ye harm any soul, or make any heart to sorrow; lest ye wound any man with your words, be he known to you or a stranger, be he friend or foe. Pray ye for all; ask ye that all be blessed, all be forgiven. Beware, beware, lest any of you seek vengeance, even against one who is thirsting for your blood. Beware, beware, lest ye offend the feelings of another, even though he be an evil-doer, and he wish you ill. Look ye not upon the creatures, turn ye to their Creator. See ye not the never-yielding people, see but the Lord of Hosts. Gaze ye not down upon the dust, gaze upward at the shining sun, which hath caused every patch of darksome earth to glow with light.

O army of God! When calamity striketh, be ye patient and composed. However afflictive your sufferings may be, stay ye undisturbed, and with perfect confidence in the abounding grace of God, brave ye the tempest of tribulations and fiery ordeals.

- Abdu’l-Baha


The seven Baha’is that have been in prison for over a year are supposed to go on trial in Iran in a few short hours.  Pray for their safe return to their families and a stop to the persecution of Baha’is in Iran.

A few recent articles on the subject:

Reports of a trial date for Baha’i leaders falsely accused of espionage

Roxana Saberi and USCIRF Call for Release of Iranian Baha’is

CNN: U.S. panel demands release of Baha’is facing trial in Iran

Times Online: It is not just democracy that is illegal in Iran-Cherie Blair

July 8, 2009
by sholeh
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A summer picnic

The sun was gliding past the trees, we found a wide patch of sun that set the grass aglow, peered into our eyes, and warmed our skin.

The proper ingredients for a picnic are:

1. a thick blanket, large enough to lay down on

2. sunglasses

3. a picnic basket (trust me, it makes it feel much more authentic)

4. good people (any combination of 2-6, more is too chaotic and being by yourself is depressing)

5. a nice park surrounded by beautiful buildings and trees (buildings optional, but make for a nice backdrop)

6.  delicious food.  I prefer Persian food if you have some way of keeping it warm, and some fresh fruit.

July 2, 2009
by sholeh
7 Comments

Discoveries of small importance

1.  Gluten-free sugar cookies dipped in chocolate pudding are heavenly.

2.  Aprons never fit me correctly.  I always have to adjust them, which makes me ignore them altogether.  But I really like the idea of an apron.

3.  Driving a car means fixing it when parts wear out.  Which means that my bank account complains to me of abuse.  It also means that I have to deal with mechanics, which is always a funny experience because I really don’t know anything about cars.

4.  An advantage to living in Chicago: there are always visitors coming through.  It helps alleviate the missing-of-friends that happens when you are part of a community that is always moving across the world.


5.  Really looking forward to the weekend.  Work picnic, family, home.  I desperately needed a 3 day break, and was kidding myself that I am not tired. I’m exhausted.

6.  I had a few friends over the other night to help me finish off a tray of lasagna that I made.  I highly recommend having a lasagna party, and close it out with ice cream or pudding if you can. :-)

7.  I really missed seeing live music over the last few years.  It had been such a long time.  Going to Summerfest and seeing Stevie Wonder & John Legend in concert was absolutely fantastic, and I need to take advantage of these opportunities.

8.  I’m on my 6th wedding invitation of the year, and we’re only halfway through!  Whew…

June 30, 2009
by sholeh
3 Comments

this is life.

the best thing about walking through a crowd is the variety.  to know all of their stories would be too much, we only see pieces of the parts of the person that they are.

humans are so strange.  we are laughing and shouting and listening and waiting.  we chase our children as they scramble unsteadily, praying that they are not preyed upon.  we are consumed with ourselves and keep consuming.  we give more of ourselves, take without thinking or asking.

we taste the wonderful things like…ice cream, sharp cheddar cheese, chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of chocolate chips, homemade chicken rice soup, sugar snap peas, watermelon, and home fries.

an infant is comforted, a grandmother grasps her grandchild’s hand to be steady, a husband and wife learn to love and be everything that they are.  our friends surround us, make us smile when everything is going wrong.

music surrounds us, fills our bones and moves our feet.  tears fall on the perfect notes, we cringe on the sour ones but that is music too.

feet on the grass, eyes to the sky, the wind is just right and we smile into the sun.

out in the wide wide world the barbs and stones are thrown, out there we are just little sparks seeking the Light, little souls in an infinite set of worlds.

this is life, and it is wonderful.

June 24, 2009
by sholeh
5 Comments

waiting

“With aching hearts, Baha’is of the world focus on the events unfolding in Iran, the birthplace of their religion.” -Baha’i World News Service

Every day I read the news.  Whatever tragedy has happened in the world, the media is covering it (I use that term loosely, as I’m rather cynical about the way news is reported).

For the first time in 30 years, the American media is again focused on Iran.  They’re dusting off the talking heads, pundits, and anyone they can find with a connection to the events happening there.

Baha’is have a connection with Iran because it is where the Baha’i Faith began in 1844.  And since its inception, Baha’is in Iran have been persecuted, blatantly or subtly.  The situation is volatile, complicated, and very sad.  And today we hear that the trial date has been set for July 11 for the seven Baha’i leaders who have been in jail for a year without formal charges.  It is possible that they could be executed, simply for being Baha’is.

I have been watching, and waiting, as the situation in Iran has turned chaotic over the election results.  Things are summarized into sound bites, and everyone loves a story about the people fighting against tyranny.  However, it seems rather irresponsible to just throw my opinion out there.  It is so easy to forward an email, post a news story, or blog about a hot news topic.

“The Great Being saith: Human utterance is an essence which aspireth to exert its influence and needeth moderation. As to its influence, this is conditional upon refinement which in turn is dependent upon hearts which are detached and pure. As to its moderation, this hath to be combined with tact and wisdom as prescribed in the Holy Scriptures and Tablets.” -Baha’u'llah

We don’t know what is really happening there, and perhaps it is not our place to interfere.  Yesterday I said the following on Twitter:

“Wisdom in speech, writing, & web postings. Perhaps we should have that as our mantra. We don’t know how our actions affect others.”

“If we are true Bahá’ís speech is not needed. Our actions will help on the world, will spread civilization, will help the progress of science, and cause the arts to develop. Without action nothing in the material world can be accomplished, neither can words unaided advance a man in the spiritual Kingdom. It is not through lip-service only that the elect of God have attained to holiness, but by patient lives of active service they have brought light into the world.

Therefore strive that your actions day by day may be beautiful prayers. Turn towards God, and seek always to do that which is right and noble. Enrich the poor, raise the fallen, comfort the sorrowful, bring healing to the sick, reassure the fearful, rescue the oppressed, bring hope to the hopeless, shelter the destitute!” -Abdu’l-Baha

June 18, 2009
by sholeh
11 Comments

One year

It has been 8,760 hours since I came home.

Since I left home.

It is two places now, where I am and where I was.  It is pieces of memories that float to the surface with no warning and leave me gasping for breath.

It is silence in the Mother Temple when I close my eyes and pretend that I am in the Shrines, or standing on the sea wall, or walking down broken stone paths.  I am still near the water, but instead of a warm sea I swim in the cold lake, instead of gardens I am stand in concrete city landscapes.

One year.


So much and so little has changed.  There is a little more knowledge behind my eyes, a little more heaviness in my sighs, more smiles and more quiet.  There is less need to be here and there and everywhere at once.

Work happens every day from 8 am-5 pm, Monday through Friday, just like I prayed for.  Last night I signed a short lease for a place to rest my head at night, and a closet for my clothes.  Resigned and happy.

I miss you and you and you and you and you and most especially you.

In between places and time are the photographs, the Saturday morning brunches, the days upon days at Bahji, the Friday afternoon soccer matches, Thursday nights that were never-ending, Monday’s game night and dinner, Tuesday farewells to the pilgrims, and praying my way down the mountain.

Home is a jumbled mess of prairie grass, the call to prayer, the flat roads, the mountain stairs, a million flowers, snow, sand, sky and no starlight.  Haifa and Chicago.

My eyes have seen and

my heart has known and

my faith is this: I will never be alone.

June 10, 2009
by sholeh
2 Comments

A few minutes in between

These last few weeks have really done a number on me.  I finished up my work helping organize the 3rd Annual Baha’i Choral Festival at the Baha’i House of Worship.  The Festival was wonderful, you can read about it here, and watch the hour-long performance here.  (There were readings as well, but had to be cut out of the DVD.)  Then I moved over into another job, which is quite fun and keeps me very busy.  I’m only 4 days into it, and already feeling a bit like I did a year ago, right before International Convention.

I live out of suitcases and my car, my friends’ couch and my parent’s home.  My work is so far from home that commuting is painful.  But I get to see my friends a lot more now, and being in the city is wonderful.

On the continuing theme of my clumsiness, I knocked over a glass last weekend, and promptly sliced my finger open as I tried to rescue it.  Luckily it wasn’t too bad, and thank God for medication.

I went to a lovely wedding this past weekend.  That, combined with several friends visiting from out of town and the usual weekend festivities, created the deadly combination of no sleep, crazy meal schedules, and getting nothing done on my to-do list.  My poor to-do list is feeling quite neglected.

Twitter was sending me into a spiral of distraction, so 9 days ago I took a break.  I don’t really miss it, and I’ve stopped thinking in terms of tweets.  Maybe when things settle back down I’ll get into it again, but right now I’m enjoying the silence.