Sliding Thoughts

June 3, 2012
by sholeh
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Too quiet

These days, sunset is the best and worst time. The way the light wraps around everything, creating the best moments to capture photos…this is the most wonderful thing, the only redeeming time. But the gloam can hold onto me if there is silence and I am alone, the almost-dark suffocating me with reminders and memories. I fill the space with music, with television, with cooking or baking or making…

I’m waiting, slightly paralyzed, but moving in some kind of direction. Making decisions.

I would like my sunsets back.

May 20, 2012
by sholeh
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the imaginary conversation

You’re right. None of us are meant to be alone. It gets us into trouble in so many ways. I mean, if you choose it, that is one thing. But to choose solitude, or at least be content with it…well.

-I imagine that this process is a lot easier when we’re honest about what we’re looking for.

Would you have been this honest 10 years ago? Or even 5?

-No, but we delude ourselves into this journey that has taken years, and now we find ourselves successful in some ways, but all seeking this connection that we still haven’t found. Finding the connection doesn’t fix everything, but then we can focus on other things.

So I guess it comes to the fact that we are here, in this time and place, and we have a choice to make. We never found our way before this, and we’re surprised to find ourselves in the dark, holding on.

-It really is a choice. We choose our life, our love, in the infinite confusion that is now. We can’t stop running from things that make sense. We have been doing it too long, it is almost an addiction. We are afraid to make mistakes, to make the wrong choice. But we’re running from what could be the easiest choice.

I am not going to get an answer to this, am I?

May 4, 2012
by sholeh
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New things

We have some new articles and photos up over at Nineteen Months, so check it out! Dar is writing a series on Abdu’l-Baha’s journey in the West, and we are looking forward to more contributions soon.

Photos are starting to come in from the Chicago and Wilmette Centenary events! Go to the links to see slideshows. I’ll post more about the whole thing at some point, but I’m still recovering from it all.

“…the world of existence may be likened to this temple and place of worship. For just as the external world is the place where the people of all races and colors, varying faiths, denominations and conditions come together, just as they are submerged in the same sea of divine favors, so likewise, all may meet under the dome of The Mashriqu’l-Adkar  and adore the one God in the same spirit of truth. For the ages of darkness have passed away and the century of light has come. Ignorant prejudices are being dispelled and the light of unity is shining.” -‘Abdu’l-Bahá

April 15, 2012
by sholeh
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the storms

alone
the windows are open
i can taste the rain and the heavy air is weighing on me
so close to everything and yet…
everything is a dream now.

i am not sure if i welcome the rain or not. the pressure sinks into my slowly beating heart, my tired eyes and soul. i embrace the clean mist that sweeps away this dust that is holding me back, and the thunderstorms that i can scream into. there are the empty moments that we filled and now my hands try to stay busy alone. there are miles and oceans to come, but nothing is real.

the storm has stopped now, the raging into the night leaves me drained.

April 3, 2012
by sholeh
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The death of a fish

RIP VincentI am sad to report the death of my betta fish, Vincent van Fish. He jumped out of his bowl sometime today, and I discovered his cold, lifeless body on the floor of my living room tonight when I got home from work.

I tried to buy a fish for Naw-Ruz that would last longer than a few weeks, but apparently Vincent decided that it was all too much. I am very disappointed, as I was growing quite fond of the little guy and even remembered to feed him every day.

Part of the reason I’m upset is because I now have food and other supplies for a fish that I just flushed down the toilet, and it feels like the whole experience was a waste of money. I know, I’m strange. But really, fish are the most useless pets. And I’m not convinced I would do much better with a different kind of animal.

RIP, Vincent.

March 9, 2012
by sholeh
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My Nineteen Days post – Baha’i Fast, Day 8

I had a hard time taking my photos for Nineteen Days today. I struggled to find a Dawn subject, and I was at a training for the volunteers for the Centenary events at the House of Worship at sunset. But I managed to figure it out.

As I went outside to take the photo at dusk, the resident hawk of the House of Worship flew overhead into the sunset. Unfortunately I was too slow to capture it, but it was a perfect way to end the day.

Go on over to Nineteen Days and check out the rest of the photos. I am so glad I got to participate this year.

March 5, 2012
by sholeh
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Nineteen Days

Have you checked out the first four days of photos and quotations over at Nineteen Days? You really should. The stories being told are beautiful, and it is a way to enjoy the Baha’i Fast with people from all over the world. I’ll be participating in a few days, and I’m really looking forward to it!

It also has a special place in my heart, because this project, which was started by dear Amy and Leila, helped inspire Nineteen Months. And Nineteen Days always uplifts my heart and makes me smile during the Fast.

February 20, 2012
by sholeh
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My sad suitcase

I recently went to Florida for a work trip. At the end of a very long (and wonderful) week, we returned to Chicago tired and ready for home. My coworkers and I waited at the baggage carousel…and waited. Their luggage came, mine didn’t. My very heavy suitcase was checked, and since it is bright red, I rarely have trouble finding it.

One suitcase was going around and around, and it looked a little bit like mine, but it couldn’t be mine. My suitcase was shiny and pretty and did not have a scratch on it. Right?

Wrong. Apparently my suitcase got run over somehow. My nice suits, makeup, and everything else in my suitcase were perfectly ok, though my glasses case was dented. Delta Airlines replaced my suitcase on the spot with a similar suitcase, so I transferred all of my belongings and went home. Ah well!

February 14, 2012
by sholeh
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Wo(men)

I don’t involve myself in internet debates/comment discussions on websites. There is absolutely no point. However, in some of the discussions I’ve seen recently over at The Good Men Project (one of the few sites of this kind that I frequent), there seems to be the idea that the issues that relate to men should be dealt with by men, and issues that relate to women should be handled by women.

This makes me so mad. The stupidity inherent in this kind of belief structure, where we think we can advance humanity by the genders working in their own silos, where they bring the other gender down and dehumanize them in order to raise themselves up, is just plain crazy.

Winter gulls

I have been lucky enough to grow up in a family and faith that encouraged a beautiful balance of ideas, practices, and tools that enable men and women to grow together, to build each other up. The world is still largely imbalanced, favoring men, but to reject men and all the wonderful things that make them men would be to reject half of humanity, would leave me feeling imbalanced.

That men and women differ from one another in certain characteristics and functions is an inescapable fact of nature and makes possible their complementary roles in certain areas of the life of society; but it is significant that ‘Abdu’l-Bahá has stated that in this Dispensation “Equality of men and women, except in some negligible instances, has been fully and categorically announced.”-The Kitáb-i-Aqdas

I don’t have a long, thought-out post about this, but I had to write something. I wish we could have more productive conversations about this subject, instead of fighting who should be in charge.

 

January 26, 2012
by sholeh
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Winter

This winter has been a strange mix of busy/quiet. I haven’t traveled, though I wish I could get out of Chicago. Every event that is completed at work is a victory, but then it seems like no matter how many I finish, I still have the same amount of work on my to-do list.

And then, because I had way too much going on with no time to take a break, my body said “enough!” and I got a bad cold. I’ve missed 3 days of work and have watched all the television. Yes, all of it. And for me to stay inside and do nothing is nearly impossible. I have my little “recuperation station” set up in the living room, with my laptop open to my work email and buckets of tea, vitamins, and tissues surrounding me. I am surprised the tv and laptop haven’t burned out by now.

bridge pattern

So there isn’t much going on, really, just a mix of unusually warm weather mixed with painfully cold weather, a little snow, ice, and fog, and my dreams of summer and a vacation by the ocean. I am learning to bake more things (painfully failed at making soft pretzels). I am trying not to waste my evenings, and was on a decent workout routine before I got sick. I miss my friends as I always do, and love morning brunches and quiet afternoons. I wait not-so-patiently each week for a new episode of Downton Abbey, and am horrified that I can’t watch Sherlock until May. Sometimes I meet new people and it makes me happy.

This is winter in Chicago.

January 17, 2012
by sholeh
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Perfect weekends

We fill the house with smoke and the smell of thick-sliced bacon, and the snow is turning to slush outside but blankets wrapped tight surround us. We will put on a good movie, or a really terrible one, or both in one day. We will eat breakfast for lunch and a banana split for dinner. We will rush out of the house on a Sunday morning to make it to noon prayers at the House of Worship, pinch the cheeks of some beautiful infants, stomp our feet in the cold of Chicago snowy winters, and listen to the choir.

We will smile at each other as our noses freeze and we curse the cold, but it is just an excuse to be closer to everyone we love.

These are the weekends that fade, but the moments are just perfect.

January 9, 2012
by sholeh
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the stranger

When we met, she was sitting on the curb in a parking lot, surrounded by bags of groceries. Her lined face was a story of decades, her hands curled up. The unrelieved black of her dress framed eyes that had stories in them, and the barrier between us of few common words prevents me from saying too much more about her.

She made the noises of machine guns to indicate her home country, and said that she cleaned homes, that her sister was trying to teach her to speak English but it was hard. She laughed a lot, and so did I. She reminded me of the women I would see sitting on park benches in Israel, staring into the past or talking to each other.

The Mississippi

I don’t know her name. But I think about her several months later, after I delivered her and her groceries to a small apartment where she invited me in for tea but I couldn’t stay. I think about how we don’t interact in any meaningful way with strangers, that I have begun craving that connection with people I barely know, if only for a few moments.

December 30, 2011
by sholeh
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Currently obsessed with…

* Learning how to use my new KitchenAid mixer. I’m giddy with excitement.

* Cooking and baking gluten-free items in a more deliberate way, including using my baking scale.

* Using Pinterest to find DIY projects and recipes that I can do around the house during quiet evenings.

* Trying to get back to the gym. Mostly because I can’t sleep at night and need to work through all of my stress. I’ve started going once a week and I’ll work up to more.

* Getting back into sewing. I have a sewing machine, and it silly not to use it.

December 18, 2011
by sholeh
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Home Improvement

I’ve lived in my condo for nearly 2 years, and have slowly been making changes. Limitations of time and money have prevented me from doing some of the major things I would like to do, but I have started with little projects. My most recent project was the cabinets in the kitchen. This is what they looked like when I bought my condo:

They were the original cabinets from 1968. I had to take the cabinet doors off to paint behind them and to paint each side. It took me about 2 weekends to finish everything. I used paint deglosser, then one coat of primer, and then semi-gloss paint to finish.

 

Finally, this weekend, Brendan helped me to do the final installation of the doors!

The kitchen is so much more cheerful now. I spend a lot of time in my kitchen, cooking and baking, so it feels good to have a space that I want to be in.

Brendan also installed new blinds that I bought a few months ago, cut to measurements of the bay windows in my kitchen and bedroom. Having blinds that work is fantastic.

December 15, 2011
by sholeh
2 Comments

Baked pears

The simplest thing when you need a quick dessert that looks fancy, or when the pears on your table are starting to go a little brown.

Ingredients:
1 pear
3 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon lemon juice

Pre-heat oven to 350 F (or 176 C). Slice up the pear and arrange in an oven-safe dish. Melt the butter, then mix in the honey, vanilla, and lemon juice. Pour mixture over the pears. Bake for about 20 minutes in uncovered dish, then serve. You can put vanilla ice cream on top, or eat them plain. This is one of my winter dessert obsessions.

Baked pears

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